All the time in the world

Ok. I'm not sleeping. The quiet is so kind. This time last year we had recently found ourselves pregnant. As a midwife I was often asked why I didn't have children and how I could be a midwife without having children. I deeply considered this many times. The conclusion I came to was that I would not be able to be the midwife I was if I had a baby. So often I would hear the opinion of others on this subject, like it or not. So here I am 4 months into mamahood, and I can't imagine ever leaving my son for a birth. Those hours that I devoted to the lives and families of other, is now for my family creation. Of course there may come a day, like people are implying, that I will be ready to leave my son for those random and undetermined amount of hours again. It feels now like my life work is in the unfolding of this human life that grew within me and is nourished by the "magic milk" of my body. If baby and I are one, as we all are, then our being together is ideal. From his early days he has said "mama"....and in those moments he settles for only me... This is were I want to be.

(For the first time last week I was out for an hour, without baby. Baby stayed home with daddyman and his big sister and nephew who were visiting. I thought it rather perfect that my first whole hour away from my baby was for me to deliver 260 oz of milk I was donating to the breastmilk bank. My newly set goal is to donate 1000oz. I have 8 more months to pump, as I can only pump until baby is one year old. This milk goes to the sickest kids.)

A few weeks ago I got the message, by a total stranger. This was a stranger that was not strange at all. He was the kind that I later wondered if he even existed or if he was actually an angel placed specifically for us in that moment. He said that at this point in our lives with a new baby we need to create 'a nest'. This was the sign I needed to continue on the search for another place to call home. And yesterday I signed for it!!! It is so exciting to imagine what dreams may come. This year I will create the garden beds that will nourish our bodies as we continue to nourish our souls.